Why people ask me shit like “how was work?” or “how is school?” like work is work, school is school, I would rather be on a yacht right now while gettin some dick but here I am
If you tell a someone w boobs that they need to buy a shirt/dress that covers up their bra chances are you need to buy some pants to cover up your diaper because you are a massive whiny piss baby
Raise your hand if you’re straddling the line between crippling anxiety and not giving any fucks about anything
I don’t have a ”type”. If I like you, I like you.
And if I like you, you’re pretty special.
Because I hate everyone.
- person: get your license
- me: The Road Is A Terrifying Place And I Am Very Afraid To Drive
"Fuck, my tea."
— me approximately an hour after every time I make tea (via madopiano)
Today on Social Anxiety Theatre: mentally rehearsing elaborate justifications for completely innocuous actions just in case some hypothetical interlocutor demands an explanation.
Adulthood doesn’t mean you stop drinking juice pouches and eating fruit snacks. It means buying your own.
and mixing them with vodka
At 3 in the morning while marathoning your favorite show because nobody can tell you to go to bed.
And then regretting your decisions the next morning.
Because you have to work.
and make more money to buy fruit snacks and juice pouches.and vodka
learning to draw is like driving on the highway like yeah sure you need to be watching other people but you REALLY need to focus on your own lane and your own destination or youre gonna follow that stupid fucking minivan all the way to tuskegee and then what. you didnt want to go to tuskegee. why did you follow that van look now youre in fucking tuskegee.